Today is the last day of National Infertility Awareness Week. It always surprises me how many couples experience infertility (the stats are 1 out of every 7 couples). My heart goes out to every single one of those couples. Infertility really sucks. Thankfully, Jared and I have a great support group. Without our family and friends giving us the emotional support we need, I'm not sure how we would handle it. So, thank you.
The video posted is about the book Infertility: Hope, Help, and Healing by Kerstin Daynes. I actually just ordered the book and I am excited to read it. Even though most days I have completely accepted the fact that its going to take longer for Jared and I to have a family, some days are really hard. I once read Barbara Eck Menning's thoughts on infertility. This is what she said,"My infertility resides in my heart as an old friend. I do not hear from it for weeks at a time, and then, a moment, a thought, a baby announcement or some such thing, and I will feel the tug-maybe even be sad or shed a few tears. And I think, "There's my old friend." It will always be part of me..." This is exactly the way it is for me. The pangs of infertility never completely go away, but I don't let it consume me and make my life miserable.
In honor of infertility awareness week, I wanted to dispel some common myths about infertility. And actually, I have personal experiences of people saying these things to me. So for future reference, (and I am not saying that any of you ever would say these things) never say these things to couples trying to conceive.
1. "Just relax, and you will get pregnant." Although there is some truth to this (Yes, its important to reduce your stress levels for optimal chances), but don't think that "relaxing" is a cure-all for getting pregnant.
2. "You're still young." This one annoys me to no end. It doesn't matter how "young" I am, I still can't get pregnant. I wanted to punch my Dr. in Fort Worth who implied this.
3. "Adoption is a cure for infertility," and "Once you adopt you'll get pregnant." First of all, adoption and infertility are 2 separate matters. Like I mentioned before, the pains of infertility will never completely go away. Adoption can help you find great joy and happiness in having a family and being a parent. But it will not cure infertility. Secondly, although I have heard lots of stories of people getting pregnant after they adopt, or as soon as they fill out the application papers, this is not the standard. Although I probably secretly wish this would happen, I'm not getting my hopes up. And it is NOT the reason we are adopting.
4. This next one isn't a myth. Its a question that people ask me all the time. When we were first struggling with infertility it really bothered me. I am used to it now so its not that big of a deal and I understand people don't intend for it to be hurtful. "When are you planning on having children?" Most of the time I just wanted to say (and sometimes I actually have said this out of frustration): "I don't know but when you find out, how about you tell me?" It is a perfectly legitimate question if we are well acquainted. But it is very irritating when I just meet someone and that's one of the first questions they ask me. What a loaded question. This seemed to be a daily occurrence for me when we were living in Utah. I don't know if it is a Utah thing or what but it seemed like I couldn't have one conversation without someone asking me that.
Ok, I probably have said enough. I know sometimes its impossible to tip-toe around everyone's feelings but try and be sensitive to those around you. You never know who might be struggling to conceive.
Not flesh of my flesh, nor bone of my bone, yet still miraculously my own. Never forget for a single minute You didn't grow under my heart, but in it. -Fleur Conkling Heylinger
5 comments:
Brooke, you are awesome! I have heard all of those things too! And yes, i think the last one is a Utah thing. Of course i haven't really lived anywhere else, but i hear it way too much. oh and let me know how that book is too!
You are such a strong and amazing woman Brooke! I hope everything is going well :)
Thanks for your post Brooke. I know I am so lucky to have E even though it took so long and having a second is looking to be just as hard but people like you, with such great attitudes and perspective really help me try to be more positive. I would of wanted to punch that dr. in the face too! You are going to be the best mom! I can't wait to see/hear about all that's going to happen!
Thank you so much for putting this post up and informing people "including me" on infertility.
I am guilty in the past of asking that question- then when I had issues with Kaden I remember how it made me feel as well. IT's so important to be close to the spirit so we know how to be sensitive to others needs.
I am excited to see this lil' spirit that will be sent your way!!!! =)
The "old friend" analogy was heart wrenching and accurate. Mark and I always referred to it as the cloud that just kind of always hung in our sky, no matter what we did. But the cloud really did go away for me. Now when I think back on those years, I really can be (if not fond of) at least emotionally grateful that the cloud visited so long, because we grew so much. Also because "the cloud" allowed the perfectly perfect dynamics of our current family, with the spacing I would not have planned myself. Someday, Brooke, I promise, It really will be an old friend. Just one you don't really want to reunite with!
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